alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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