I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
