i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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