I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
