Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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