the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
