Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
