You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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