People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
