Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
