This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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