i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize