You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
