There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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