Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
