The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
