I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
