watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
