definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
