Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
