Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
