I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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