Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
