God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize