Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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