how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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