Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

Goddamnit I hate your level headedness

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(443): View more from Maryland

a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?

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(631): View more from New York

She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

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(607): View more from New York

Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!

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(513): View more from Ohio

Okay we're getting vodka and coming

(1-513): View more from Ohio

Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.

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