Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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