I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
