Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
