I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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