I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
