recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
