I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
