This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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