Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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