at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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