you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
