Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
