Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
