I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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