dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize