I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
