I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
