Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
