I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize