so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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