Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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