I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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