seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
