Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
