either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
