Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
