You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
