what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
