I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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