i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Someone signed my nipple.
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