There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
