you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
