just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
