My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
