for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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