I hope mine doesn't look like that
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
