we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
