Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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