i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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