rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
