The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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