I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
