he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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