I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
