I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
