My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
