Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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