Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
