he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize