We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
