You're my little dorito
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this just has baby written all over it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize