are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
