he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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