I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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