I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
