Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
