Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
