I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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