remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
