also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize