Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
