im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
