he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
a search helicopter?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
