i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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