Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
