I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
