he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
