Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
