I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
