I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
