Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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