You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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