Where did you get a picture of my penis
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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