I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My ATM looks so different sober.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
