you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
