I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
