I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
