this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
