He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I FOUND THE LEGS
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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