Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
