It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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